The true meaning of joy:

presenting the winning entry in our print-newsletter writing contest

contributed by Vanessa Magee, Gateway Administrative Services

r. and Mrs. Jones (name changed) are ninety-four and ninety-three, respectively. They live independently in their own home and Mrs. Jones has suffered for a long time from Alzheimer disease.

I have to admit, my heart sank a little when I took on their case (I pay bills and take care of other administrative tasks for my elderly clients). As in many similar households, I expected the usual hard transition time. The resistance to accepting help while knowing that it has to be taken. The undoing of each change back to the way “it has always been done”, until finally, trust grows. The resentment that the help comes with fees attached when they used to do it themselves for free. And lastly, the unspoken fear that surfaces when serious aging has never been considered and is now becoming apparent.

On top of all this I was told Mrs. Jones did not take kindly to strangers!

With trepidation, I entered the house for the first time. I encountered a kindly gentleman ensuring that his wife, dressed in immaculate red and with her hair in place, was eating her breakfast. He apologized that the bed was not yet made. I began discussing my services and waited for the resistance. I waited some more. But it never came!

They say that “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”. I think perhaps I am ready. Each time I visit I am reintroduced to Mrs. Jones: “This is Vanessa. She looks after our money.” Always the reply comes, “Don’t ask me. I don’t know anything. You will have to ask Fred.” Then Fred whispers “You know, she wasn’t always this way.” And I am encircled with the love that exudes from his voice and his eyes as he looks over at his wife. I say to myself, truly I am in the presence of a saint. I am inspired by his acceptance and I am in awe of his patience and understanding. I am experiencing the true meaning of joy. The dictionary calls joy an “intense gladness” and in this household I see the gladness of lives well lived, being lived just as they present themselves – then and now. I hear over time that these two lives have encountered many hard blows, including the loss of their only child. So for me, this joy I sense represents the “wholeness” of living.

And my lesson? According to Gail Sheehy in her book, New Passages, one of the first tasks at reaching fifty years old is facing our own mortality. How lucky I am to be in a position to learn first hand what that can mean. To have the time, using my experience of others, to consider my own approach.

On my last visit to the Jones’ I was invited to stay a while as Mr. Jones excelled at playing his favourite piano pieces. Now, that’s what I call joy!

Vanessa won a free breakfast for this story.  You can see Vanessa's Member page here on this website.

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